--Uziz - 25.7S, 28.2E
Royal Advisor Ulgrim the Unlucky

Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Greetings! Welcome to the Lofty Spire. Please have a seat and a server will be with you shortly."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "If you buy me a drink I'll tell you what you shouldn't order."
You allow Ulgrim the Unlucky to examine your Stout.
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "I seem to have formed an allergic reaction to stout. I puff up and stop breathing when I drink it."
You give Ulgrim the Unlucky Palm Wine.
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Thanks."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Do you have any red wine?"
You give Ulgrim the Unlucky Red Wine.
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Maryata says that as long as I don't break any more mugs today I can go."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "I was so happy, I dropped another mug."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "She's so nice. She said that didn't count since I wasn't ready. And when I was leaving her office she pretended not to notice when I tripped over that table of mugs."
You give Ulgrim the Unlucky Red Wine.
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "I went to visit the fortune shrine today. Want to hear my fortune?"
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "You will fall into a very deep hole and your broken body will slowly be devoured by the foul things that reside in the lightless places."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "That didn't sound so good."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "My lucky numbers are 6,6,6."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "I bet you don't know that some magical components are quite deadly if ingested."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "I sure didn't."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "After I clear up this whole bar tab mess I think I'll go and spend some quiet time in Yanshi. It's so nice and peaceful there. Someone else suggested the Singularity Caul too. That might be nice. I haven't been there in a long time."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Funny thing, I was greeting people outside until this fellow comes up to me and tells me about this terrible secret he wants to protect everyone from."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "I couldn't quite figure out what the terrible secret was, but it sure is terrible. So, I'm standing here by the stairs like he asked me to, just in case."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "You might want to stand here too."
You give Ulgrim the Unlucky Red Wine.
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Ahhh!!! That should help with the gout."
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Oh joy! Things are looking up! That splinter embedded in my neck has finally come out!"
Ulgrim the Unlucky tells you, "Here, take it as a good luck charm."
Ulgrim the Unlucky gives you Splinter of Wood.

--Sawato - 28.9S, 59.1E
Royal Advisor Ulgrim the Unclean

Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "What is this?! Are you just gonna stand there jabbin' me in the side all day? Huh?"
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Why don't you make yourself useful? Go tell that unpleasant guy that we ain't comin' back. No how, no way."
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Look, I'm thirsty, get me somethin' to drink, will ya?"
You give Ulgrim the Unclean Stout.
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Shreth piss. Look kid, get me somethin' else."
You give Ulgrim the Unclean Small Beer.
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "What's with all these lugians in our towns. Don't get me wrong, they deserve all the freedoms and stuff, but just not around here."
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Do you smell something?"
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Phew! You should think about taking a bath there."
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Cheers!"
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "See what I've done der? I've made it so this cup is empty. There should be beer there, but there's not. Heh?"
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Aw, now look what you gone and done. Now I realize that I'm thirsty here. Bring me another will ya?"
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "Hey, hey, watch the personal space there friend. I'm not one of those support mages! I keep my wand in my pocket, thank you very much."
You give Ulgrim the Unclean Small Beer.
Ulgrim stirs the beer with a bit of wood and tosses it aside.
Ulgrim the Unclean gives you Splinter of Wood.
You give Ulgrim the Unclean Small Beer.
Ulgrim the Unclean tells you, "You ain't to bright are you? Look I've told you all I know. If I knew somethin I'd have already told you by now. Go talk to that there fancy boy in the desert. He thinks he knows everything."

Note: Finally, the fart emote returns!

--Eastham - 17.7N, 63.2E
Royal Advisor Ulgrim the Underhanded

Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "If it's no bother, would you be kind enough to buy me something to wet my thirst? Byrdara seems to have locked up the liquor for some reason."
You give Ulgrim the Underhanded Stout.
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Nice, but I prefer wine."
You allow Ulgrim the Underhanded to examine your Red Wine.
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "No thank you, but I prefer a sweeter wine."
You give Ulgrim the Underhanded Palm Wine.
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "So, I've got a small problem maybe you can help me with. There's this guy in Dryreach thats been posing as me, Ulgrim!"
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "If you could maybe just scare him a little? You know, make him realize that there can be only one."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Yes, yes, I think I'm remembering something..."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "No, I've lost it."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Perhaps one more wine will help me cogitate."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "What's that over there, behind you?!"
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "What, nothing? My mistake, I thought I saw something. Well never mind, here let us drink to our continued friendship."
Ulgrim watches you expectantly from over his mug.
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Yes and what would you like my friend?"
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Drink? I'm sure I don't know what drink you are talking of."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "No, you are mistaken, but if you were to bring me more drink I might be able to devise of an elaborate plan to track down the culprit."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "So, are you looking to earn a little extra pyreal on the side? We could perhaps enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Think about it. I'm always looking for bright new people to join my allegiance."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Alas I am so very thirsty after my trip from the southern reaches. I fear that I will be unable to enlighten you lest this terrible thirst is quenched."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "You look at me expectantly. You think this drink puts me in your debt? I would think again my friend. It is you who are in my debt. I have graced you with knowledge that you cannot acquire anywhere else. I would step carefully were I you."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Now kiss the ring."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Very Good."
You give Ulgrim the Underhanded Palm Wine.
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Mmmmm..Mmmmm..Ow!!!"
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Vers thomfing thuck in ma mouf!"
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "A splinter? I guess they add all sorts of stuff to wine to give it that woody flavor."
Ulgrim tosses the splinter aside.
Ulgrim the Underhanded gives you Splinter of Wood.
You give Ulgrim the Underhanded Palm Wine.
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "It would appear that I have told you all that I know. Or have I? Perhaps I know something that I do not know that I knew. I find drink of great utility in remembering things I have forgotten."
Ulgrim the Underhanded tells you, "Yes, one more drink may finally get us to the bottom of this enigma! Run off and fetch me more wine before I forget to remember!"

--Ulgrim's Island - 94.8S, 9.6W
Ulgrim the Unruly

Ulgrim the Unruly tells you, "I should have taken the red pill"
Ulgrim the Unruly tells you, "Now I'll never know what happened to Tuka..."

Yusef Ibn'ghon of MT reports: "Last night shortly after midnight I went to Ulgrim's island and found several clones of Ulgrim named "Ulgrim the Unruly", targetable as a monster and level 85. He cast war spells which I easily resisted. I one shot him with Ilservian's Flame every time. He usually had something humorous to say when he died. My favorite was "Rosebud." He drops a faran robe, a mug, assorted loot and a wood splinter. The splinter does not drop every time. The rest of the island looks the same as before, as does his cellar."

--Dryreach - 8.1S, 73.1E
Chess Grandmaster Ulgrim the Unpleasant

Ulgrim the Unpleasant says, "Remember fellows, I bring the people to Dryreach and in return I get thirty percent of all your beggings."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant says, "Oh, my head. I need a drink!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant says, "I have a splitting headache, literally!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "After what I've been through, I could sure use a drink."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Water.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Ptooey!"
Ulgrim pours out the water.
Ulgrim crosses his arms and mutters something under his breath.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Never touch the stuff."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Filled Beer Stein.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Vitae - to - high."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Can't - raise mug - to mouth."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Must fight it - must - get - drink!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Phew! Vitae makes me thirsty."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Mead.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Expect me to drink this eh?"
Ulgrim drinks the mead quickly.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Bleh! Too sweet, I prefer something a bit... stouter."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Ale.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Ale? I don't drink water unless I have to."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "But, I might have to so I'll just hold onto this."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Stout (or Filled Beer Stein).
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Oh, I'm so vitae'd up, still I suppose I'm lucky to be alive."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "It all started a week ago when I decided to go on a trip. I was tired of all the the sun and relaxation, you know how it is. Anyway, I traveled around for awhile visiting pubs and inns and ended up in Dryreach, where I was astonished to find a wonderful house brew made by my friend Mordomor. He's downstairs."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I decided to spend awhile getting to know the drink better so I went to find the old lifestone NW of town. Yeah, I know there's a new lifestone now, but I didn't know that then. The old lifestone looked broken, but by this time I was heavily in my cups and unconcerned with trivial things."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Now, I'm going to give you a very important bit of information here. Never ever, under ANY circumstances, bind to a lifestone when your drunk. And if you have an old faulty wand. And if it looks like the lifestone's broken... especially if it looks like the lifestone is broken. I remember wondering why the lifestone was sparking like that, then why my wand was sparking like that. Then my wand caught fire, shot from my hand and exploded... then things got weird."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Everything after that is fuzzy, but I remember dying repeatedly. Not something I recommend, but what with all the explosions and electric shocks it seemed like the thing to do. My life flashed before my eyes, at least the part that involved being repeatedly killed and revived by a demented lifestone."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "When I came to I found that the bodies I had left during my reincarnations hadn't died. In fact there were nine copies of myself standing around arguing with each other. I could have sworn that I died more than nine times, but like I said before I was pretty vitae'd up."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I've heard of similar lifestone malfunctions before. Usually the duplicate is just a creepy standing corpse of sorts that hasn't forgotten how to breathe. In most cases unbinding from your lifestone will return that corpses lifeforce or vitae back to its owner."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "But to unbind from the lifestone I needed to use the same casting device that I tied to it with. By the time I found one of my wand's splinters in the pocket of my robe I realized the duplicates of me had run off. I am fairly certain that they each have a splinter from my wand."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I need you to seek out my copies and acquire their splinters. Luckily they don't appear to be as smart as I am. Get them good and drunk and you should be able to trick them into giving you the splinter. Once I have all of the splinters I'll be able to recraft the wand, unbind from that damned lifestone and pull myself together."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Succeed and I'm sure I can find a little something to reward your help."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Stout.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "When I get those other nine Ulgrims back... I'll have the power of ten men!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "From hence forth I will be know as Captain Stout! An amazing hero devoted to truth, justice and the pursuit of free drinks."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Wherever there are those in need of help, I'll be there"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Wherever there is a wrong to be righted, I'll be there!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Wherever a stout is left standing unwatched, I will be there!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Thanks! Keep'em coming, I'm drinking for nine now."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "A bad decision"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Drinking alone in the rain"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Sorrow wet and cold"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Have you ever noticed a bird pause in flight for a second or two?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Impossible, right, but it happens. What if the little hiccups are when someone changes reality?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "What if we're just playthings for some greater power?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Heh, it would make a good story. I guess I've had a lot of time to think up crazy ideas."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "If I make it through this I think I'll try to help these poor people."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Why hasn't Elysa done anything about these Tumeroks?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Hello! Do you know why I'm here?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "What? Nine copies of me? How?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Huh - you'd think I wouldn't forget something like that."

The broken lifestone can be viewed nearby. Andesxyz of FF reports: "Running to 7.1S, 71.6E is a location near Eastham with a broken lifestone and a fire, presumably the one Ulgrim broke in the teaser." Thanks also to Damien Saren of FF and sebastien.

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Thank you. The first of many I hope."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Boy, am I bored. The brew is good here, but there aren't a lot of stimulating people to talk to. I don't mean you of course, you're fascinating."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "That's two pieces. Can you believe someone brought me a stick? Apparently one of my reflections tricked the silly bugger."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Hmmm, even with this third splinter I don't know how they go together. I guess I'll need them all before I can figure out where they fit. There must be more of me out there, they couldn't have gone far. Unless they remember my house recall spell... But how likely is that?"
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "The fourth splinter! Thanks! Any word on my doppelgangers activities? I've heard that one of them is running around naked, heh heh!"
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Half way there! Well, OK, five ninths of the way there."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Oh, good. Thanks."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "It's odd, as much as I dislike having those imposters run around smearing my good name, I'll be a little sad to see them go. I never had any brothers before."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Please hurry! The longer this lasts the stranger I feel. There are only two more pieces to find."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Didn't you bring me any stout? Oh... well, this is fine. I'm not that thirsty. Not really. It's good to have the eighth piece though. One more and I can rebuild the wand!"
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Aha!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Ow!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "That should be the last piece I need. You are a... um... good Samaritan and a... a well read individual and all that sort of thing. I bestow upon you the Robe of Extraordinary Comfort!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant gives you Bathrobe.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Oh my head!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I'll try unbinding from the lifestone as soon as I've recrafted this wand. With any luck the rest of those imposters will be dispelled. Thank you for your help, and won't you please help the poor beggars here, they need the pyreal so very much."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "This could take awhile..."

Note: Once you've given Ulgrim 9 splinters, you'll see a big bloody explosion as he tried to put his wand back together!!

You allow Ulgrim the Unpleasant to examine your Bathrobe.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "No, no, that's your robe now. I have quite a few of them myself. Thanks again for finding those wand splinters. I can't stand the thought of a bunch of semi-literate drunken fools ruining my good name."

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Splinter of Wood.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Who the! Oh, this must be an extra piece. There's always extra pieces leftover when I put things together. Nothing to worry about I'm sure. Thanks though."

You allow Ulgrim the Unpleasant to examine your Strange Stick.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Bwahahaha!!! I'm afraid that you've been tricked my friend! I need wand splinters, not sticks."

P i n t o of DT reports that Ulgrim is once again flagging people for the weeping weapons quest!

The quest ended after one week, at midnight on April 7th, 2004. After pulling himself together, Ulgrim finally made it home. Well, sort of! Now named "Ulgrim the Unappreciated," he appears slightly smaller in stature! Chris G. and Namor McCloud of HG send the following sayings from Ulgrim after the quest ended. Visit the Across the Vast Divide for the sayings of the new smaller Ulgrim the Unappreciated!

You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Filled Beer Stein.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Someone's been staying at my house. I noticed my porridge was eaten and my bed was all mussed up. If I catch him he'll be sorry."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Filled Beer Stein.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "You know I'm glad my duplicates are gone, but I've been thinking of the glorious things we could have accomplished."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "We could have formed an Fellowship of Ulgrim, roaming the land looking for people to save and drinks to be drunk."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "We could have tried out a few of the group spells I've been dabbling with."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "We could have gone on fishing trips."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "...I miss those guys."
You give Ulgrim the Unpleasant Filled Beer Stein.
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I hear if you lick a Burun you can see all sorts of cool stuff."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "So, who named that new desert town anyway. Sure Martine probably saved us all, sure he gave his life for us, sure he turned out to be a hero. Who cares! We should have called the place Ulgrim's Ridge. Now that's a town name with style!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I plan on going to the Caul after I feel stronger. I hear those stupid Virindi did something stupid there. Dumb Virindi! I am so going to smack them b! ack to whatever cloak wearing dimension they come from."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "So, I missed out on all of the Olthoi business awhile back. I was consumed by my new hobby of house decorating. Asheron had my address in case things got out of hand."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I'm a little confused though, I heard that Elysa almost died and Asheron almost died, but Nuhmudira took on the Olthoi Queen with a group of brave souls and drove the buggers back. So why isn't Nuhmudira having all sorts of medals and honors bestowed on her?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Really? And she wasn't questioned? Huh, not sure how to feel about that. Well if it comes to it Elysa's still my Queen."
Ulgrim ! the Unpleasant tells you, "Is Asheron still on his island? I guess he and Elysa are still on the outs then. I should check in on him and make sure he doesn't need something to drink or any soup or anything."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Where's everyone getting those slick looking hats and suits from?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I'd look pretty good in one of those getups don't you think?"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "Yeah, I'd be like Jack Diamond in the "Dark Mystery of the Stolen Stuff!""
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "That was a great story."
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "So, did you see the Archmage in Candeth Keep? I hear her husband is out of the picture. She can buff me a! nytime! Hubba! Hubba!"
Ulgrim the Unpleasant tells you, "I've been working on some Olthoi Bait in case they decide to come back. Through long and arduous testing I've discovered that they can't resist stuffed mushrooms. Just walk through a dungeon dropping those things in a line and you can ambush a whole swarm while they're gobbling them up."